Lauren's Looks

Baking | Beauty | Fashion | Chronic illness

Wednesday, 3 February 2016

Dear diary... let's have a catch up

Okay, I'll be honest as I rarely openly admit it: I've been feeling much worse health wise as of late, and do you want me to be even more honest? I naively thought that I'd be better by now. That ME would no longer be ruling my life, and that I'd now somehow have managed to get over it, and be living the life that I've always longed to live. 

The harsh reality, six years after being struck down with this damned illness? Tasks as small as getting up out of bed each day, to chores such as tidying the house are one huge struggle, perhaps even more so now, than a few years ago. But yet it's looked at as the illness that simply makes you feel a 'little tired'. And here's something controversial for you all, in my opinion it doesn't even make you feel 'tired', it makes you feel completely drained of all energy, and almost as though you have the flu every day of the year. 

For me, the hardest part of feeling too unwell to do anything near enough daily, is not being able to achieve my goals/lead a 'normal' life. Going on nights out with friends, applying for my dream job, and being able to do what the hell I like have all been put on hold, and I can't tell you how extremely frustrating this is when you have heaps of motivation, but yet absolutely zero energy. 

Being told that you 'need to get your act together', or that you 'really need to start doing something'- both of which have been said directly to me- when you feel so ill is upsetting... Actually, I'll take that back, ignorant comments no longer offend you when you know that you'd love nothing more than to 'get your act together', but your body won't physically allow it. The fact that people can't see that you're suffering just by simply taking a look at you means that ignorant comments are inevitable, as sad as it is. 

"When you're frustrated with me because of the things I can't do... 
...Just imagine how frustrated I must be because I'm not able." 

 As I'm not one to end a blogpost on a downer, I will just say that although I may feel like ME is beating me at times, and that I'm one huge failure for not achieving anything being stuck in majority of the time- I WILL find a way to make life work, and if that means working from my home/bed, then so be it. 

Here's to being a success no matter the circumstances, how do you overcome hurdles that appear in your life? 

Don't forget that you can find me in all of these places too!


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